life as an ostovic

Do not go to the site if you are easily offended. It is totally vulnerable and honest- which is scary for some people. Some of the confessions remind me of people I know, and I love knowing people’s most personal thoughts. Rather, I love the trust that exsists between us when people share with me their most personal thoughts/struggles/confessions. It reminds me of some of you and the things you have shared with me- My husband has a heroin addiction. I’m gay. I was raped. I had an abortion. I was involved in incest. I hate my neck. My Mom used to beat the crap out of me. I used to shoplift. And on and on…

I love authenticity. I love people even more when they take a chance and tell me what’s really inside. It’s hard to judge someone when they become vulnerable. It makes me want to protect them even more.

melanie

mel & jack
Originally uploaded by dostovic.

I love my baby so much. Jack is amazing. He’s beautiful. He’s a total gift. I love motherhood. I love being HIS Mom. Sometimes I still can’t believe he’s ours! Forever? Thank God! After the surgery drugs wore off, about our second night in the hospital, I looked at Jack and said to him, “It was you in there all that time!” I was struck by how the bond was there before he was even born. And how much stronger it got. He was worth every nauseous day, every Tum, even numb and painful hands. Everyone told me he would be worth it. I knew they would be right and they were.

I love how he was, at one day old, and is still, comforted by just being near me. I love to watch him discover his hands, the sunshine on the curtains, his stuffed cow, the fabric of the burp cloth, his voice, children’s faces, music, the breeze on his face, and how giving smiles elicits smiles. I believe in God’s creation of him. One day earlier or later and it wouldn’t have been Jack.

He has brought new joy, new meaning, and new purpose to my life. I knew they would be right and they were.

today i have decided that it is time to start posting again, so that the two or three of you that actually read this may have something interesting to discover.
You undoubtedly have noticed the content of this blog as of lately has been primarily about the new additon to our family, jackson. Our son who we are very blesssed to have. But now the time has come to post about other things as well. the subtitle to this blog reads, “musing on life, culture, as well as what is going on in the ostovic house” Jackson is most definately what has been going on in the ostovic house, but now for the rest.

It is nice to discover a surprise. especially when that surprise is the face of a friend that you do not see all that often. this happened to me today when i stopped by the post office on my way home from work. i have often thought that friendships are genuin when nothing changes about them despite the fact that you may have moved away, or for whatever reason your lives do not intersect anymore. Do you know what i mean? It are those friends who you just kind of pick up where you left off no matter how long it has been. You are always glad to see each other no matter the circumstances and there is no amount of guilt associated with the length of time you have not spoken. Such is the case of the friend i ran into today. He is a wonderful person who I apprecite tramendously. It really was a pleasure to see him again and catch up on what is going on in his life. I hope that he felt the same. :)

You know it is nice to run into someone you know at the post office. Especially in a somewhat large town like Akron, Ohio. It kind of makes the place seem more like home. You know just like Cheers. A place where everybody knows your name and ther’re always gald you came.

So this post is dedicated to steve chapman. thanks for going to the post office today, but much much more, thanks for being a good friend. I only hope that I am one to you.

Oh, one more thing. this post was inspired by the movie, “Leminy Snikets and a Series of Unfortunate Events”. i just finished watching it. :)

derrak